This is a "'suka-hati-aku-lah-nak-tulis-ape" kinda post. Kalau salah grammar ke ape ke, whatever lah. aku tak peduli. I just feel like typing something, even though I am absolutely sure it will be pointless, and will not make sense at all, because I think that lately I've been having way too many things circulating inside my head, without any way to express it.
I don't know when I've started feeling like this, but it seems nowadays i'm becoming quite the pessimist. You know, "the glass is half empty" sort of person, who thinks that behind every door lies failure, and more dissappointment. yeah. Sometimes I feel like kalau aku ni orang luar and aku baca twitter aku tuh, I would think that I'm a person with suicidal tendencies. Morose, melancholic. bla bla. fuck my life. that kinda person. lol.
Padehal aku rasa dulu aku ok je. Rasenye kalau kat skola, I'll be the one yang selalu cam happy go lucky, ape nak jadi-jadilah, kinda person. Tapi tak taw kenapa sekarang nih, asyik down je keje. Tanpa sebab. Lawak ah. It's like aku naik this basikal, and then tgh turun downhill tgh laju gile babi. adrenaline rush. fun fun fun fun. tibe2, aku break, then pusing and instead of turun downhill laju2, aku gi naik uphill balik. sbb.....ntah. saje nak peluh2 nak kayuh basikal kasi penat kot. lol.
I'm the type of person yang sebenarnye tak suka tunjuk real emotions. (well except for some situations lah kan). And yet, ironically here I am writing about my emotions. funny. Maybe korang tgk aku ni kat luar happy je, banyak cakap, gelak cam sial, sakat2 orang etc2.. But honestly deep inside, bila time aku dah stop cakap and stop having brainless conversations with people, (brainless conversations are fun) and bile aku sorg2, aku rasa kosong. Emotionless. Macam lately I'm not sure who to talk to. Sebab aku takde masalah luaran ape2 yang major pun. Tapi aku still rasa down. Depressed for some reason. wtfblanket tol. tak make sense. lol. It's like right now the reason why I'm not telling anyone how I feel, is because I'm not sure what I'm feeling. fucking pelik sial.
and sometimes, I also get this feeling cam orang2 around me are all like puppets. or robots. somewhere along that line.
But yeah, now that I've typed all that shit out, I think I can say that right now, I just feel like one foreveralone bastard, who no one gives a crap about. yeap. that's how I feel. haha.
Which concludes today's entry.
Sorry for being morose and sad and depressing... ..no wait, why should I be apologizing on my own damn blog...... yeah, so... i take it back. I'm not sorry. lol. wait...
this is fucking confusing.
I want my double rainbow now. Gotta think happy thoughts.
Pelik kan aku ni? lol.